Comment: The beginning of the essay is powerful and effective as it starts with an engaging opening line. Indeed, it immediately sets a complex tone for the essay, more specifically, humor mixed with emotional tension. The phrase "at least in his mind" adds subtle irony, showing the writer's voice and making the essay more personal from the very beginning. This is highly valued by admission committees. Future applicants should start with voice-driven characterizations to pull readers into the narrative instantly.

Comment: This last sentence conveys deep emotional trauma without melodrama, which is very positive and usually hard to achieve. The alliteration (“critiques, insults, and vitriol”) strengthens the rhythm and shows great writing capabilities, qualities that admission committees highly value in their applicants. Thus, students should use precise, emotionally honest language to portray difficult personal dynamics.

Comment: Here, there is strong rhythm and emotional clarity, highlighting mature self-assessments that show great capacities of introspection and growth. For instance, the MacBook detail is poignant and tells the reader a lot about isolation and reliance on technology, which are interesting themes to develop in an essay. Overall, self-reflection combined with symbolism can be powerful and should be used by applicants in their essays.