Comment: The very first sentence of the essay is engaging and hooks the reader. This is a dramatic opening that immediately immerses the reader in the scene and the tone of the essay. The personification of the lights adds tension and intrigue and gives a first glimpse of the world and the writing style of the author. The reader wants to know more about it, which is the main objective of the first sentence. For the recruiter, it creates curiosity and a sense of anticipation. Thus, future applicants can keep in mind that a strong, sensory-driven opening can effectively draw in the reader.

Comment: Here, the use of the phrase “sneaky molecules” is unnecessary. While it attempts to add a humoristic touch, it doesn't contribute meaningfully to the scientific explanation/doesn't fit the scientific argument here. As a result, for the recruiter, the phrase might come across as detracting from the balance between scientific and artistic descriptions that the applicant is trying to establish. Therefore, when incorporating scientific elements, candidates should ensure that the descriptions feel natural and contribute to the overall tone.

Comment: This sentence effectively transitions from the stage to the lab, reinforcing the essay’s central theme of art and science being intertwined. This is one of the strongest qualities of the essay: the central theme is very clear, allowing the essay to run smoothly and the reader to easily follow the argument. Here specifically, the imagery makes the connection between the audience and test tubes visually compelling: thus, even when not used to it, the reader finds themself involved in the story. All in all, metaphors that bridge different aspects of an applicant's personality can strengthen your narrative.