Comment: This is an imaginative and engaging way to open an essay. It draws readers in with an interesting story that reflects the writer’s originality and introduces the topic of the essay. Admissions officers will likely appreciate this unique introduction and straight away have an impression of the student as creative and having an interesting story to tell.

Comment: This sentence provides a vivid illustration of how the author's father used storytelling to create connections and bring people together. It adds authenticity and depth to the narrative by showing how storytelling was a fundamental aspect of their family interactions. This helps convey the student's emotional connection to their father and the influence of these experiences on their personal development.

Comment: While humorous, this sentence may disrupt the overall tone and focus of the essay. In a college application, the primary goal is to present an impressive and coherent narrative. This reference to a "preteen Gothic phase", even though it is intended to add personality, can come across as less relevant to the main themes of storytelling and personal development.