Comment: What strength did the author develop? They do not specify this aspect and it is difficult to tell it from the next sentences. In college essays, applicants should be very detailed and avoid general sentences. The best way to do it is to provide as many details as possible and then read the essay again and if necessary, delete some irrelevant information. This way, applicants can make sure that the essay is not too general and that it provides sufficient information about them.

Comment: The author does not specify the date at first but rather says that it was very important. Only after that, do they go on to specify the actual day. It is a good strategy to use in college essays, as it makes the essay's content and structure more interesting.

Comment: This sentence is unnecessary, as probably every reader, or at least every admission officer, has not had the pleasure of meeting the author's friend. The sentence should be omitted or rephrased. In college essays, applicants should usually choose to write about things that readers can at least partially relate to, as it makes the essay