Comment: These two sentences could easily be combined. Individually they don't give any new insights. In a college essay, the introduction is probably the most important part of the essay, because it aims to grab the reader's attention. Rather than giving more and more details, authors should focus on convincing the reader to keep reading. They can do that either by making it unique or unexpected and in this case, the best way to do it is to combine these two sentences.

Comment: This sentence captures the author's nerves and anxiety before the speech, painting a vivid picture that some readers may relate to. It sets the stage for the conflict of the story and grabs the reader's attention right from the beginning.

Comment: The author connects two main topics of the essay with this sentence. It makes the essay flow smoothly and enhances the reader's experience.