Comment: The first sentence is somewhat dull and lacks an engaging hook that might catch the admissions officer's attention. What could improve this introduction is, for example, starting with a compelling fact or quote about Calvino, making the introduction more intriguing from the start.

Comment: Breaking this long sentence into two shorter ones could make the essay clearer. More importantly, however, this sentence, like the previous ones, focuses on Calvino rather than the student. The student could have included a personal anecdote about discovering Calvino’s work or how his writings influenced their worldview.

Comment: Again, this sentence misses an opportunity to show the student’s connection. The student could discuss how encountering this book inspired them or influenced their academic or personal journey. Moreover, the repetition of the phrase "what I would like to focus on" does not show a good writing style, and the lengthy sentence once again makes the essay feel chaotic.